I always believed that men peaked sexually in their late teens and early twenties and women started getting more randy as they got older.  Hence the “cougar” moniker.  Unfortunately or fortunately, I was always kind of a horn dog.  I was a late bloomer, but when I bloomed it never went away and I’m still happy to say that I’ve never taken a little blue pill.  I just get turned on very quickly.  A look.  A hug.  Hell, a soft breeze and Bocky* joins the army**. I remember the first time I ever masturbated.  It had to be around 1986 and I was fourteen at the time.  I remember this,  because we had Conan Two The Destroyer on Betamax tape, so it had to be after Conan Two went to cable and we recorded it.  My parents were throwing a party in the house and I was in their bedroom which led to the erotic element of being caught as well.  So I locked my parent’s bedroom and put the tape in.  I fast forwarded to this one scene where Conan throws Grace Jones to the ground and when she hits, it looks like you can plainly see her bush for an instant.  You had to stop the tape just right.  And I did… multiple times.  I was getting aroused and I knew my mom had a “massager” in her cabinet next to the bed.  At the time, I sincerely thought this*** was actually a massager.  Later I learned that it could have been used for other nefarious acts.  I turned it on and went to town on Bocky while trying to rewind, play, and freeze the Betamax tape at the right time.  It took about twenty-five minutes for success and to this day it was the first and perhaps most powerful and memorable orgasm that I have ever achieved.  Thank you, William Fleischer****RIP.   Now that I write this, I realize that my mother and I have probably masturbated with the same utensil.  I guess in some circles that would be considered disgusting.  My mom was always particular about when she drinks.  When she would ask for one of us to get her a drink, she would say, “Don’t touch the lip”.  I only hope she followed her advice when using the Magic Wand.  But enough about Bocky*****, let’s go back to cougars.

I had this hope that Danielle’s libido would increase as she got older and when that didn’t happen and our sex life started to go down hill, there was a thought that it could be a physical thing going on with Danielle.  Was it hormones?  Was it stress?  Was it depression?  All three?  Wasn’t hormones.  Stress was a factor and Dr. Dick just told me to back off.  Thanks again, Dr. Dick.  Depression was a factor and she went on Lexapro.  Awesome, right? Nope.  Lexapro is a Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and some of the side effects include reducing interest in sex, make it difficult to become aroused , sustain arousal, reach orgasm and causes your wife of nineteen years to become gay.  Okay, the last one is not true.  So basically, the physical/mental thing was a factor but not really THE factor.

*Still the name of my penis

**Stands at attention.  Get it?

***https://www.engadget.com/2014-08-27-history-of-the-hitachi-magic-wand.html

****DIRECTOR OF CONAN 2

*****Still the name of my penis