Two years ago, I gave Danielle an out.  We had been going to couples therapy and she was still unsure of what she was.  Was she straight, was she gay, was she bisexual, was she asexual, was she a combo of all of these.  Did she want to be separated and co-parent?  Did she want to be friends?  Co-parents?  Married?  Does she want to be with a woman?  If she didn’t want to be with a woman right now what happens if she wants to be with her in the future?   Could I compromise and be celibate and enjoy everything but the physical?  Can we continue to have an open relationship?   And there was a point when I had had enough.  It wasn’t just irritability about sex, it was mainly an irritability without knowing if you want to stay in this.  So back to two years ago.  We went to Stonehaus, a wine bar, and

I told Danielle that I want her to be happy, but I can’t stand this limbo that she put me in.  I want an answer.  Does she want this relationship or not?  I’m okay if she doesn’t but I can’t let her go because I love her so much, but if you need to, please let me go. You said you wanted to try to make this work and I believed you.  Now it’s two years later.

It’s so hard to give all of me to you when I know you’re not giving all to me.  And then when I pull back and try to give you the space you need, you want me to give more.  These mixed message are the worst.  Are we separated?  Are we in an open marriage.  I can have an open marriage if we’re solid, but it sure doesn’t feel solid.   All of this is inherently unfair to me and I deserve a definition. I feel like I’m setting myself up for more heartache.  I’m the softball getting the slow pitch.   I just can’t do this anymore.   What do you want? She then told me that she wants to commit to this and I was overjoyed but then two years happened and I wonder if it would have just been better if she let me go then.  If you really don’t know, that’s fine.  But if you’re just trying to save my feelings, don’t.  Everything’s been about what you want and not what I want.  This is selfish when you don’t tell me what you want.   All I do is wait.  Like in high school, I’m just a good friend.