I know that I’m going through a lot right now now.  However, I also realize that Danielle is going through a lot right now.  For me, it’s about all of us.  The family.  For her, it’s all about her while my daughter, our family, our plans, and I suffer the consequences and are simply reduced to collateral damage in her journey.   I’m happy for her and I want her to find what she’s looking for but let’s get this straight**, Danielle is doing what’s best for Danielle which is awesome because I wanted her to do more of that during our marriage.  But there is destruction and people left behind. 

She’s going all Star Trek and discover the motherfucking Undiscovered Country.  She’s taking the vacay while I’m left at home.  She gets rebooted and I’m still stuck on Window 95*.  She’s finding herself and I’m still the same guy minus my friend, lover, and wife.  She’s had years to prepare for this.  I had no warning.  As I read over my therapy notes, I see that there were many warning signs, but none I wanted to address because when you’re trying to save a marriage, you can’t dwell on the negatives.  Also, these warning signs were not obvious at the time, only looking back.  I believe you have to assume your situation is positive or you’d drown yourself and your family in depression.  I felt that 95% of my marriage was good and when compared to other people’s marriages, so I felt secure.  There was only the one minor “I’m gay” thing.  Now, I’m angry, sad, insecure, bittersweet, etc..  She feels liberated, but also sad, and guilty.      

I know this doesn’t serve much of a purpose, but I want her to continue feeling this guilt because as long as I’m feeling bad, I want her to feel bad.  Group suffering.  Again, there’s no purpose to this. In fact, it probably just extends the sadness and the guilt for both of us so it would be best to just wish her the best and get over the anger.  That’s why the pain comes in waves now for me.  Danielle has been able to overcome the pain much more easily because she’s in a  bit of a state of euphoria with coming out.  This excitement and euphoria has caused her to become an unsound decision maker and a little crazed.   It’s to be a little expected during an emotional life change like this.  During stressful times, your judgement is impaired and sometimes you do rash things.  You may get angry more easily.  You may spend money more frivolously.  Or, I don’t know,  you may tell your daughter that you’re gay on her birthday in the food court at the Thousand Oaks Mall.  Yeah, the food court.  At a mall.  That’s when you decide to tell your only child that you’re gay.  Now, Danielle didn’t plan this.  She didn’t conclude that coming out in the food court at the mall to her daughter was the best location for this.  But it happened, because Danielle’s judgement is off at the moment and emotions often supersede logic.  Let me set the scene…

*I think you get it by now

**Or not straight

INT. THOUSAND OAKS MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY

ERIC, 50, extremely handsome, 6’4, with an amazing head of hair and a long and well shaped penis is waiting in line to get his food at Great Kahn’s Mongolian BBQ.

EMILY, 13, sits with her mother, DANIELLE, 47, at a near-by table.  Emily is wearing a birthday hat that has a big “13” on it.

Eric gets the food and sits down at the table.  Emily is smiling while she and Danielle exchange furtive glances.  Eric, hungry, and because they’re in a freaking food court in the Thousand Oaks mall, he eats.  Because that’s what you’re supposed to do in freaking food court in the Thousand Oaks mall.    

EMILY

She told me.

ERIC

Told you what?

EMILY

About her. 

Eric stops eating.  Sweat builds on his furrowed and impressively well formed brow which implies that he’s a well-hung individual.

ERIC

What?

DANIELLE

It just came up in conversation and I told her.

ERIC

What?

Eric begins to grow larger and turns green.  His immense body rips through his clothes and SCARLET JOHANSSON rushes in.  She embraces Eric and they fall to the floor in passion aka sex.

SCARLET

Eric, you are so fucking hot.  And your furrowed brow and penis are so…

ERIC

Perfect?

SCARLET

Yeah. 

ERIC

I know.

FADE OUT.

I may have exaggerated a tiny bit about how this really went down.  Emily wasn’t actually wearing a birthday hat to the mall.  But you get the idea. 

So without giving me a heads up,  my wife told our daughter on her birthday that she was gay.  Necessary?  Maybe for Danielle it was, but it was unsound judgement. 

Now, on Emily’s birthday, Emily and I will remember that this was the day that Mom/wife came out to her.  It became about Danielle’s needs and not Emily’s birthday.  I’m not mad at Danielle but… okay, I’m a little mad at Danielle but when you have a secret that has been building for years, maybe it’s inevitable to come out when you least expect it.

Moreover, Danielle came out to me two weeks before I was officiating my brother’s wedding.  Three weeks before Father’s Day.  Three weeks after we rented our Woodland Hills home.  Again.   Unsound judgement.  Some people may say bad timing, but when that timing can be avoided, it’s not bad timing, it’s unsound judgment.   Obviously during all these times of joy, I wasn’t feeling joyful.  Fuck the wedding.  Fuck Father’s Day.  Fuck Emily’s birthday.  Hello collateral damage goodbye unsound judgement.  I feel like she should have faked things for at least another month in respect for what we had for the last twenty-three years.  Give me my brother’s wedding.  Give me Emily’s birthday.  Give me Father’s Day.  That’s it.  People will say, “it’s never a good time”, but that’s bullshit.  Actually, that’s true up to a point, but there’s usually not a rotator cuff surgery I’m recovering from, a wedding I’m officiating, my daughter’s birthday, and Father’s Day all in the same thirty day period.  Feel free to fuck up July 4^th, that’s fine, that’s America.   But don’t fuck up and taint those other things because those are about family and you know what family means to me.  You should have known better.  I cried at my brother’s wedding.  I cried on Emily’s birthday.  I cried on Father’s Day.  I was there for you, for 4 ½ years and held my tongue, walked on eggshells, and did my best to support you and you couldn’t wait a month?  Your timing fucking sucks!

To Danielle’s credit, she apologized for this and I forgive her because these actions weren’t done out of spite.  She did it out of need.  It’s a sucky situation with a lot of suck.  Good will come out of this eventually I guess, but not now.  Not for a long time.  Goodbye T.O. mall!  At least until there’s something serious to talk about.  There’s a death in the family?  Let’s go to the food court in the T.O. mall!  Mom found a new girlfriend? Let’s go to the T.O. mall!  Dad has cancer?  Who’s up for Mongolian BBQ at the T.O. mall?