Now that I’m in the dating world, I’ve noticed that people are into taking quizzes and such to see who they are compatible with.  One such test is the Love Language test.  There are five Love Languages. 

1. Acts of Service
2. Quality Time
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Receiving Gifts
5. Physical Touch

Now this doesn’t mean that if you’re an Acts of Service Love Language and your partner is a Physical Touch love language that it couldn’t work.  Quite the opposite, it will help you better understand your partner and accept their differences.  All of these tests are awesome and perhaps helpful.  I look at myself and I’m totally a Physical Touch Love Language*.  To me, Danielle is totally an Acts of Service** Love Language and we could have made our differences become a strength based on these attributes.  Sometimes however there are greater powers involved.  There are more powerful things than language.  Your sexuality is stronger which is why no matter what our love languages were, I would still be writing this book.  A big part of the problem was the power dynamic.  She had all of it and I had zero.  I feel like a fan of an NBA team hoping that the top free agent was coming to the team.   She’ll complain about me in therapy, but then want her neck rubbed and then when I was done massaging her, she’d say she needed space.  Everything was on her terms and my terms were dismissed.  How do you think I feel when I massage you, make you dinner, and treat you with as much love as I can and you say “space” or “I’m being my authentic self”*.  I feel like your pet… if pets gave massages.  Turn me on and off when you want.  You always complained about being a caretaker, yet I’m the one doing the caretaking.  Here’s an idea.  Maybe I can do all this for you and then you can do things that I want.  If you’re getting what you want and ask for, why shouldn’t I?

*Sounds like psychologist speak….

“Maybe there needs to be a trial separation.”

Looking back about 3 years, Dr. Dick suggested a “trial separation”.  At the time, it would drive me to tears and I would adamantly say no.  Now, I don’t want to give Dr. Dick any credit, but perhaps she was right on this one.  Maybe a trial separation would have given Danielle time alone to figure things out more quickly.  I actually saw palpable relief in you when Dr. Dick suggested it.  At the time, I felt like you wanted to do it but were too afraid to do it yourself.  I think you would have been happy if I agreed with it.  Would you have?  Maybe it was a good idea.  At least, it would have given you and me more insight to what I needed to do as well.  Coulda?  Shoulda?  But also, Emily was 10 at the time and also a small thing called Covid-19 was about to fuck it all up for the entire planet.