I’m just trying to fill time at this point.  Like I mentioned, there’s a hole in my heart where Danielle used to be.  So I try to fill the space with dating, drinking, meetup groups, happy hours, drinking, hot tubs, massages, writing pathetic books about my feelings*, and drinking.  The big problem with having a social life during these times is that I don’t feel like talking to anyone anymore because all I do with my friends is bemoan my relationship.  When friends ask me how I’m doing, I really don’t know what to say because I’m not “fine”.  I’m not happy.  I’m a bemoaner.  I want Danielle to care more when I go out for a date and she simply doesn’t.

Weekends are the worst because I feel like I should be doing something fun because everyone else is but I don’t feel like doing anything and I force myself to go to things when I’m not in the best state of mind to do so.  Weekends used to be weekends for me.  Now, I kind of dread them except that they provide one more day closer to healing. 

The thing about dating that has changed from 23 years ago is that when I actually meet the person in person, I know whether it’s going to work or not around thirty seconds into the date.  There has to be some excitement there.  Some possibility of a connection.  If I don’t see a possibility then to try to make something work with someone who I don’t feel attracted to is pointless.   I also have learned through trial and error to trust my instincts.  If I see any red flags during our texting, phone calls, etc. then it’s best to just let them go because there are other women out there.  This is a numbers game.  But also, going to these dates don’t make me happy even though it relieves you of your guilt.  Let’s be honest though, the main reason that I haven’t found anyone yet in this early phase of dating is because these women are not Danielle and Danielle has set the bar pretty pretty high.

*This one!  Duh.