Saudade is a Portuguese word that does not have an equivalent equal word.  The closest word would be bittersweet.  Basically, it means that there is a longing or yearning or a pining of something, a feeling of sadness or melancholy, a feeling of absence, but also a feeling of happiness for the memories they have together.  I want Danielle to find what she needs to find to make herself happy, but at the same time, I don’t want to let her go.  I loved our twenty-three years together and I don’t want our relationship to change.  It has though and I am grateful of the memories and times that we have had.  I just wish that we could create more.