There was a point where I thought I could save things, so I hit the internet to find nuggets to use to help our marriage. Here’s one of them…
Or this one…
I thought that we could go over this together or even go back to therapy together. I was willing to try anything. But in reality, I knew what I wanted and I think I know what she wanted. My confidence was at an all time low because I was being rejected by the love of my life. I know I should not gage my confidence on someone else and that I need to find my own, but it would help greatly if we made out once in a while. Or if you came up behind me with a hug. I remember forcing myself to not kiss you. To not be romantic. So I could give you the space that the therapist said you needed. I remember after the surgery deciding whether or not to let you know that I’m ready to have sex again. I can’t initiate and you won’t do anything. Intimacy is a big way to feel close to someone. Sometimes you just have to have sex. Sex is supposed to be a relief. For you, it was a burden. That’s not the way to be. When you dated that other woman, you became more sexual with me briefly and then it just stopped. And what did I do to deserve this? I bent over backwards and in the end all it got me was more pages for my MFM (MANY FINE MEMORIES) book*.
*In a moment of weakness, I printed every note I have ever written Danielle that I still have on computer. I usually don’t buy birthday cards and I just write up something on Microsoft Word and give it to her. I thought it would be nice to make her this notebook and write MFM “Many Fine Memories”. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. To say it wasn’t awkward giving it to her would be like saying that the 2020 election was stolen from Trump. Fake News. But that’s who I am. A sentimental imbecile.
My ex-wife is gay and I'm flailing... 