I’m Pinnochio.  Pre-fairy.  Strung along.  Told that she’s still figuring it out.  That I got to live in the gray and not the black and white.  You don’t like guys, you don’t love me anymore, and you’re not straight.  That’s pretty black and white. The gray seems a lot like just a cop out to justify not having to make a decision.  You can just say, look at things in the gray and that’s why I haven’t made a decision after all these years.  And then I look at that and say yeah, it’s me.  I’ve been looking at things too black and white.  I have to look at things in the gray.  But when you’re living in the gray for four years, you yearn for the black and white.  You yearn for an answer.  You yearn for resolution and when there isn’t any, you’re stuck in the gray and on her time table.  I’m sure many of you are saying, why didn’t you just leave.  You gave her outs but you could have taken outs yourself, but you didn’t.  I did it for the comfort of her and the comfort of Emily.  Ultimately, I’m okay with staying as long as I did because Emily got older and she didn’t have to go through any of this when she wasn’t ready.  I also didn’t want to leave this house and this life.  I got comfortable and so was Emily.  I wouldn’t trade these years back.  But I do wonder how it would have been if Danielle just ripped the band-aid off.  Why does she stay?  Does she stay because of Emily?  I’m not staying because of Emily.  I’m staying because I wanted things to work.  She has told me that she’s not sure if she even loves me and given me many indications that this isn’t going to work.   It’s no wonder that I feel irritable and sad 24/7.