I went to Taft high school in the valley.  Homecoming Prince.  Drama nerd.  Smoked pot out of a coke can with holes in it with Corey Feldman.  You know, high school.  I’m a short guy.  5’4 was my top and I didn’t hit that until college.  In high school I was maybe five feet.  Getting girls was tough.  I was competing with guys usually six to eight inches taller than me with high-school girls who are looking for the looks before the books.   I liked many girls in high school.  Wendi Shapiro, Allison Weiner, Ila Wallen, Amanda Alderman, and the list goes on and on… but I was way insecure about my height so that often was the death knell to anything happening along with the aforementioned height issue.

I got used to rejection or even pre-rejection brought on by my insecurity about my physical appearance.  What I did have, was a lot of female friends.  I was harmless.  I was Eric.  They would talk to me about who they liked and occasionally, they wouldn’t mention names, and of course my mind who think, “Oh my God.  Are they talking about me??  I think they are!”  And then, when I pried a little, it always turned out that they weren’t talking about me, but they were talking about Craig Chiate or Luke Mcdaniel.  You know, guys over five feet.  These high school girls just wanted me as a friend and were rejecting me romantically.

This rejection I felt in high school has come back.  I feel rejected.  Not because of height, but because of Danielle coming out.  It brings back that deep seeded insecurity that was quelled, but always there.  Lying in wait.  Like a small cancerous tumor that lies benign until something like this happens to bring it all out again.   All of this brings out the high school insecurity I had.  It actually came back sooner.  When you first started saying questioning your sexuality.  This insecurity was so strong that I was afraid to feel anything or talk to Danielle about certain topics because I was so afraid that it would add to her desire to leave me.  They stemmed from my unsureness about where she stood in her attraction and desire for me.  This lingering relationship is what hurt the most because some days I felt awesome about us and then other times I got worried.  More like I was secure somedays and insecure most days.  But the pros of our family outweighed the cons and I don’t regret it.  However,  looking back, I should have spoken my mind more because the end result would have ultimately been the same.